Quick and out...

I watched Cal beat Washington St 43-41 to assure that they will end the day tied with UCLA in first place in the Pac-10. I love Cal Basketball and Pac 10 basketball, but this year sucks. If they get 3 teams in the tourney it will be generous. So I guess all the idiot basketball pundents are right, the best teams are on the east. Almost March... awesome

Hobbes

The Joy of Nailing Your Neighbors

Sophomore year of college my roommate and I had problems with the girls living upstairs from us. It sounded like they were bowling. THUD… followed by that rolling sound. Then, literally, a crash. The walls and ceilings of our dorms were extremely thin, though. We could hear them opening their drawers in the morning, even giggle sometimes. But then the crashing got louder and more and more consistent. If it had been a judo team, there would have been justification. But, one day, it was too constant to stand, so my roommate and I marched upstairs with our whiffle bats to silence the problem.

We found little Vicki standing on a chair, preparing to jump. The ho-bags were doing it on purpose. Jumping off of chairs, running through their room and common area, even jumping on their beds. All to piss us off. In another time and place, my roommate and I might have thought they liked us. In this particular instance, it didn’t really matter. They were obnoxious little twits and we just wanted them to shut the hell up. So, we had sex with them and that shut them up pretty good.

Ah the joy of being petty

So this is a personal post that no one will care about but me. I live in a crappy small apartment, but due to it's location and variety of reasons I really like it. This is why I am sad that I have to move out because I could not find a new roommate. My sadness for moving out is deteriorating quickly, because I have the local JUDO TEAM UPSTAIRS PRACTICING. And this is not a small noise, my sliding glass door rattles like it does during a storm. Fortunately they practice at times of the day when I don't really need it to be quiet, between the hours of 1 and 4 am. This is unbelievable, I am tired, I like to stay awake during these hours and now I can't even enjoy being alone and watching TV. When you ruin TV for me, you are dead to me. So when I move I am going to have a party where the main event of the party is taking big sticks and hitting the cieling with them. I was thinking about using shotguns but that seemed excessive. So to all people on Judo teams who find training to be a very important part of your day, take the ground floor apartment and STOP BEING ASSHOLES.

Pettiness over.

Hobbes

Bodie, Bonds, and the media

So Bodie Miller has failed yet again to be the best at a sport that i spend 47 months out of 48 nt caring about. So why do I care you ask, well I still don't, but a few things have happened to make this a story of note. First, he is a good skiier, it must be night to be privileged white guy who excels at a sport only the rich participate in, but he was american and he'd been winning world cup events, so when the olympics roll around, I know his name. In preparation for the attention he'd be getting he did an interview with 60 minutes where he said he has skiid drunk and would probably do it again. Once again privileged people doing things thye shouldn't under the influence bores me, but this obviously became a story, because of the ever impressionable children that can't wait to emulate their favorite skiier. Then Bodie throws himself on the cross about how the media doesn't like him and how he doesn't care what they think, yada yada yada, and it only gets him in the news more, because he hates the attention so. Finally competition starts and he has finished no higher then 5th and in the combined he was leading until he straddled a gate and was dq'd. Once again, I don't care, but he then says he doesn't care about winning, it's about taking in the olympic experience, which I believe means trying to have sex with the female ice dancers who don't speak english in the olympic village. OK, so the media is unfair to you and its not about winning, so what is this about, well money, but not even money, the image of money which has become so popular since Paris Hilton showed us that their is no shame in being rich. Bodie Miller wants attention, so he says something clearly controversal to a national outlet, then when he doesn't compete to his own standards, thus dissapointing everyone who expected more of him, he attempts to play it off thus infuriating all of those who believed in him. I'm sure when nike started joinbodie.com they expected to have a second half of the promotion where he had stuff hanging around his neck. So Bodie well done, you made me know your name and now I hate that I do, i would have rather never known and then been moderately interested when an american won, like that moe guy... ummm... Tommie Moe. Don't go away mad at the media Bodie, just go away, you and Darva Conger can get your life back together.

Barry Bonds announced his retirement, after next year, unless he doesn't retire, then he has announced nothing. I have no issue with this, except why is a guy who is old and have injury issues talking about what may or may not happen in a year a story. For all who do not like Bonds, it is a feeding frenzy, they get to release all of their anger and vitriol on the player they blame for ruining baseball, for whatever state of ruin it is or not in. For the people who like Bonds, it is one more time they have to engage in boring arguments of integrity, pureness, morality and head size, where people get mad at you simply for defending him with anything that might be confused with objectivity. So first the media blame. They are jealous bitter angry sportswriters who hate people that don't fit their story lines and make their life remotely difficult. They take this story and run with it as yet another example of his ego and his bad attitude. As for Bonds, if he doesn't like the media, then stop talking to reporters, on or off the record, you damn moron. I don't think Bonds is a bad or evil or dumb person, but his handeling of the media in the last few years has been ill-advised at best.

So in closing people who write about sports tend to be short sited angry people with an absurd moral compas that doesn't observe subtlety or nuance, and most athletes don't know how to handle that type of idiocy.

Hobbes

The Danger of Voting Republican

Well there are many dangers to doing so, first and formost, if you make the mistake of being born black, hispanic, gay, or poor, you will find your way to a welfare system that will cease to exist. By some off chance you are none of those things, you rich white and donate money, well now the danger is far more immediate. If you are not careful you might get shot in the face and heart. This story goes all over for me, on the first hand, the headline, 'Dick Cheney shoots a man' is so absurd, it is funny. On the second hand, there is a real man in real danger of dying, and hunter or no, just because you are friends with Dick Cheney, it doesn't mean you deserve a violent death. Now there is the story of the story, which in such an information saturated world, tends to be the story. The general public did not find out about this until the day after it happened, which by itself does not bother me. This situation is very intense for all involved and dealing with the press might not be priority one, as with any person who has been involved in a tragic event, talking to reporters might not be the first thing you want to deal with. Here is the thing, you are the Vice President, and you just shot a man, did you think this was NOT going to become a story? In this world you CLEARLY have to be out in front giving statements and laying out the entire story as best you can. This is just one more example of the mind blowing arrogance of this administration. I thought the Clinton Administration was brazen in their handling of scandals, but at least they had a concept of what bad PR looks like. This administration just denies that anything went wrong and for 3 years we let it pass. Now my personal political beliefs aside, this man has done things FAR worse then accidentally shooting a man while engaging in a barbaric hobby, but the way they handled this situation is a microcosm of how these men treat the American people. So protect your face America.

Hobbes

An immediate TV response...

So it is true, my 24 fandom has grown leary once again. I fell completely off 7 episodes into season 3, but the brilliant 'non stop season' pulled me in to the extremely poorly written season 4. but here we are at season 5, and after the first 4 hours there hasn't been a whole lot of wow or zaz or penash or other non words the mean action. So I guess that addresses point one and two. As to point three and Jack Bauer's general Badassnessicity.... ummm... ism well, I hate to say this, because I fear he'll torture me with a knife to the eye and get the completely unreliable information torture often gives, but Bauer can be defeated. Maybe not with something as simple as a roundhouse kick, but it can be done. How do you defeat Jack Bauer you ask? I mean the man has died, not been near death, but has died on like 3 different occassions. He saved a small child last week, so not only is he strong and decisive, but he saves small children as well, so how can he be defeated, when it comes to women he is a total wuss. Every time Audrey or his wife hell even Nina had some hold on him in season 2 after she had killed his wife he became completely ineffectual. For Jack Bauer to become more of a man, he really needs to cross the unthinkable line and become.... a gay. If he were to link up with Almeida (who is now unattached) he would be free of the petty squabbles that plague heterosexual relationships and become a tandem Counter Terrorism Machine. Let's see Chuck Norris beat that.

As for Gilmore Girls I have watched only 3 or 4 episodes and I understand why this show has fans. As I do with many shows I change the title to something that makes sense to me, so this show will now be called "I Would to Have Sex with Lauren Graham". If you haven't seen it on IWLTHSWLG, there is a single parent and her daughter, and they have rapid witty banter and real life problems with boys and family and yada yada, if you like it, you like it and you are most likely a girl or a henpecked boyfriend/husband. So this show has two big gripes for me, first, they talk too god damned fast. They have to because they are trying to cram 3 pages of dialogue into 1 minute. I get TV isn't real life, and I generally enjoy banter a la Moonlighting, West Wing, Hawksian Comedies of the 40's, but this is TOOO FAST. When you talk that fast you can't convey emotion, you are just saying words. Second, pop references are fun, but they have to be at least reasonably organic. In one episode, mom made a Richard Pryor joke to her 17 year old white female daughter. Now when I was 17, I knew a little of Richard Pryor, and every girl I knew did not, and since i went to private school I only knew white girls and that was 7 years ago so they are even less likely to know it now. Point being unless mother and daughter are doing the Chevey Chase 'Dead Honkey' sketch in their spare time they NEVER WATCH AN ICONIC BLACK COMEDIAN. Ok and now I can breath again.

So Murph goaded me into a long tv tangent, with his fancy links to illustrate points that he doesn't have the dexterity of language to put forth without such gimmicks, and I promise you I will not dip to such a pale gadget. Is it because of my integrity, is it because I don't know how to do it, we may never know, but I do know this my level of content is truly difficult to match. I don't envy you Murph, the bar has been set quite high, Aaron Sorkin writing American President high. I mean while he was writing it, I couldn't write that movie that is far to good.

Hobbes

Brown Shoes with a Tuxedo

Thanks, Hobbes. Looking forward to figuring out what to say here on a daily or near-daily basis. For those of you unfamiliar with my blog, you’ll find me to be a very difficult writer to read. I’m just not that good. And, as the aforementioned homogenization suggests, even if it was good it would still come off as oddly familiar.

So, let’s get into it, shall we?

Hobbes, you’ve been hinting that you might be jumping off the 24 train pretty soon. Let’s give the eyeballs out there some possible reasons for such a move:

(1) The 24mula has become tiresome.

(2) Nothing’s really happening right now, anyway.

(3) Jack Bauer has lost his edge.

I agree with the first point. Slightly agree with the second point. But I won’t agree with the third point because I want to live.

You see, Jack Bauer isn’t so much a character on a television program, he’s a hero. A real, American hero. He doesn’t blink when people shoot at him through bulletproof glass because he knows it’s bulletproof. He’ll go Ronin on a warehouse full of Euro terrorists because he thinks his daughter’s dead. He’ll get in a gunfight with another moving car, shooting through his windshield just to reunite with his family. He’s a friggin baddass. But, alas, every example I gave was the first season.

So, really, I wouldn’t try to fight you if you walked away from this. I’ll still watch the show for the adrenaline rush, though. Cuz, man, does it pack a punch some nights. As for story, character and dialogue… yeah. I could find a better example on Gilmore Girls.

Why don’t you tell us a little bit about the Gilmore Girls, Hobbes?

Terrible addition to a blog you aren't even reading

I have added my very good friend Murph. He has a unique view on life that has been properly homoginized through television so that you may consume it more easily with milk. He is not without fault though. He was raised as a Giants fan so the ability to look at problems from many angles and solve them eludes him. Every time he sees a hole he gets a Bonds shaped peg and hopes it solves everything. So on this wonderful Valentines Day, let me introduce yet another guy who is baffled by women and the greeting card concept that is Valentines Day. Murph welcome to the team.

Steve Martin is funny, wait... let me explain

OK, about a million years ago I started this blog, simply to be able to leave comments on a few other people's blogs that I frequented. For whatever reason I was moved to write about the fact that 'The Pink Panther' is coming out in th theaters. This looks so many kinds of terrible that I long for the days that bad SNL sketches got made into movies. The original Pink Panther was a brilliant movie and was a highlight of Peter Sellers career. This has Steve Martin using an accent lusting after thirty plus years younger Beyonce and seeming to focus on broad physical comedy. Now Steve Martin is exceedingly talented, as far as multi talented 70's era comedians I put him in the Martin Mull, Fred Willard, Robin Williams class, but lately, his need for money seems to outpace my need for taffy (and as we all know I am a man who loves his taffy). Bringing Down the House wasn't the worst movie ever, but two Cheaper by the Dozens and a Pink Panther later, remakes that can have mass appeal seem to be all he is capable of. Eugene Levy was in Bringing Down the House as well as an even more stereotypical pointless character, but he has his Christopher Guest movies that remind us that he is still awesome. To be fair, Steve Martin is a renound artist and musician in much more niche worlds that I would have no idea where to consume or how to critique. I still think he is funny, despite a very tepid episode of SNL he showed flashes of well acted irreverance, especially when he was in kissing distance of Will Forte. So anyway, I guess I have to rent The Jerk, Man with Two Brains, Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, or just see that sketch where he delineates his christmas wishes, but please stop ruining classics or remaking bad movies (I'm talking to you Guess Who, Shaggy Dog, Herbie, and on the TV Front Dukes of Hazzard, and Bewitched) Please come up with original bad ideas versus rehashing old bad ideas and ruining good ones for a new audience. Steve Martin should know better, and if any of this seem long winded and rambling, Welllll exccuuuuuuussseeee... meeeeeeeeee.